Safety and Responsibility

Before I post anything else I believe I owe to anyone that is reading this, as well as to the BDSM lifestyle and community as a whole, to speak about safety.


Today's programming is been brought to you by the letters S, A, F, E, T, and Y.


I believe that we are responsible for our own safety however this lifestyle increases the requirement for safety and for which the dominant or top is primarily responsible. I will not go in the details here as there is a plethora of good information on this subject all you need do is to look for it.


I do believe that safety and responsibility go hand in hand. This is where us dominants, or tops, need to be acutely aware of everything that we possible can. Be prepared for what we will do when goes wrong. Yes I did say “when” and not “if”.


When planning any scene, or for that matter anything you plan to do at all, consider all parties involved, their knowledge level of the subject(s) necessary, any fears or apprehensions that may exist, the equipment if there is any, and most importantly everything you failed to think of.


So often in life I have had people come to me about various cautions and say “Yes I know, but the chance of that happening is remote”. Trust me, if there is a chance, any chance at all, then it could happen at anytime. Those people I tend to ask them a simple question; “Do you buy lottery tickets?”. I ask this to make them stop and think for a moment. The chance of actually winning the lottery is far less than the chance of something going wrong in a scene but we all but them or know people that do. Why, because there is always that chance.


Unfortunately I believe that as a result of evolution our brains are hardwired to underestimate anything bad and overestimate anything good. Otherwise I do not believe we would be capable of evolution in the first place. We would never take any chances, no leaps of faith, and nothing would ever change. It takes conscious thought to consider any given thing and consider what possible things could go wrong.


You will never be 100% prepared for everything that can, and one day, will go wrong. Knowing that it can happen however, and preparing for it and having a plan is what you need to do however.

Failing to plan is planning to fail.

I myself am fascinated with rope play, I am amazed at the beauty represented in especially the Japanese style rope bondage which we often refer to it as Shibari, although this is not actually the correct name. Regardless of the name I however also know that I lack the skills and equipment necessary to do any of it myself safely. I also know that this also carries with it a number of new safety concerns for which my partner and I are not properly equipped and skilled to handle so this is another reason it is not practiced by us. Perhaps one day it will, but only if and when we both feel ready to do so safely.


I talk to some that do practice breath play, and while I can see the attraction this, in my opinion, crosses a line whereby no degree of planning can ensure safety. I for one never want to be in a situations where I say “Oops! Now what do I tell everyone?” or “But officer ... she wanted it ... really this was her idea ... I just forgot to count to 30 faster.”


For many of us our hard limits are there in part to enforce safety. We should all have a safe-word also and this is perhaps most to protect the dominant more so than the submissive partner. You are responsibly for your own safety and those that you are with, sometimes it may be necessary to protect them from themselves for the sake of safety, that is OK. Having someone upset with you for not tying them to the rafters even though you don't know how is better than having to go to the ER with your partner and carrying her arm because Oops! ... it just ripped off when she slipped from a suspension rig because you tied a knot wrong.


I will end this post asking you to learn all that you can about whatever you may be doing and with whom. Only do what you are all comfortable with and for which you properly equipped and prepared to handle. Accidents can and will happen, make sure you know how to deal with them ahead of time while making every effort to avoid them wherever possible. Don't leave safety to chance.


I sincerely hope the only lottery you win is one that pays out money ...