I wanted to write more about our own journey and what at least I have gained thus far however as I sat down I found these thoughts screaming to get out. So bear with me as I perhaps rant a bit, but this is my blog so I can rant if I chose to.
The reality of “owning” someone 24/7 differs greatly from the fantasy image that so many have. How hard can it be? After-all she is now yours and has only one response to everything; “Yes my Master”. When is the throws of a sexual encounter, she can say either “Oh yes my Master”, “May I cum now my Master” or maybe even “Hmmmfff” because of the ball gag you put in her mouth. But she has no real voice, right?
But consider the reality that the submissive has given herself into YOUR care and thus you are now RESPONSIBLE for her as well as for yourself. She has given to you her body, mind, soul as well as any and all past baggage. She has shared her deepest secrets and has bared all her weaknesses to you in the trust that you will not cause her any lasting harm physically or emotionally. I qualify this as “lasting” because the S&M aspects, if they exists within the dynamic, do play into potential harm both physically and emotionally however it is mutually consensual and should never be intended to be permanent or lasting.
So not only must you protect and care for her, you must feed her both literally and emotionally. You must strive to feed the hunger within that are her erotic needs and to also nurture that submissive part of her that needs to be a part of you and who you are.
This person that you now are responsible will be a contradiction at times, both so very strong and yet also so very vulnerable and fragile. She is like putty in your hand at times and other times may be unbreakable bamboo branch, refusing or unable to waver. This does not make her any less submissive, it simply means that she is alive and a normal, vibrant strong human. These are most likely the traits that attracted you to her in the first place.
You have your own needs and in her submission she strives to help fulfill them without hesitation. However you must also remember that she has her needs as well. You already know this because you would have inspected the goods and made sure she was to your liking and compatible or surely you would have never taken ownership at all, right. So by taking ownership you have committed to accepting all the responsibility that it entails.
Now as you both try and make the dynamic work there will be specific things you may or may not like, there may be things that act as “triggers” that may elicit an unwanted response that you can not fully control so these are made clear and are then expected to be no future problem. After-all you are now Master and it is up to the submissive, the one you now own, to be in compliance with YOUR needs and desires. But wait she also brings with her those very same kinds of things, is it reasonable to believe that they can be simply discounted and are insignificant because they don't align with what you want?
Now I don't want to debate the S&M aspects that may exist but I strongly believe that no matter what labels or names you chose to use what you have is a relationship. As such this submissive that you now own should be the most precious item you possess and thus there is a need to protect her in every way possible. This is where I believe the responsibility is in fact deeply rooted. You have an obligation to yourself to protect your possessions and you have a responsibility to all that it means to be the Dominant and owner, to nurture the submissive so that she remains true to both herself and also that which you most desire to possess.
If I consider for a moment my own relationship with my wife who is now also my submissive I realize that I see our relationship differently than I did when we were simply “vanilla”. In our marriage we agreed to a union whereby we shared our lives, there was no “ownership” and I had only some assumed responsibility to her based on my own beliefs. In our D/s union she has given to me her mind, body and soul so that I am now responsible for it in a way I was not before. I do now have a vested interest to ensure it is treated as my most precious possession and not simply my partner.
I knew this before entering into our D/s relationship and I wanted this level of commitment. I felt we were both in a place where we could now make this work and begin a new journey together. I believed I could now provide a a solid foundation within my own mind. This however took me the past few years of self exploration and discovery to get to this point and I am very sure that even a year ago this would not have been possible.
I do see my responsibilities and obligations to her represented by the collar she wears to be much deeper than those represented by the wedding band. In the vanilla relationship I may have simply felt “well fine, just deal with it yourself” if I did or said something she did not like, but now I must consider my actions and responses much more carefully. I must at least attempt to remove emotion from conflict and act with wisdom considering any impact to both ourselves equally as a minimum. My choices are now not as much one sided. They are based on the good of the family unit while also making sure that she is protected and cared for to the best of my abilities.
We have both seen and felt this change within our relationship. We have both grown and now know each other much better. While she is submissive to me it is still important to both herself as well as I, that she keep her independence. I want, and expect, her to remain strong. She does now accept more guidance from me to help build herself as a person because she now knows that I have her best interests in mind at all times.
By me taking ownership and accepting the responsibilities and obligations, by me honouring all that is meant by that, by aligning my choices from this new position, and by using my knowledge from a place of wisdom, my choices and actions have helped to foster an increased trust between us to a level that would not be there otherwise. I did not do this alone and could not have without her acceptance and our ongoing and bi-directional communication.
It is here that I see the true core essence of what this lifestyle can bring to a relationship and also why it is imperative that this bond of mutual trust never be taken for granted.
Are there continued responsibilities?
I have recently seen a few friends go through some difficult times within their relationships, some work through them and come out the other end stronger and revitalized and others unfortunately have separated. As a friend I am unable to do much of anything but sit back and watch. Sure I can be a confidant or a shoulder to cry on when needed but one my personal and house rules is to never interfere with another family dynamic. Morally I have no right to do so either.
Unless I am an integral and intimate member of a family, privy to each and everything that has transpired, there is no way I can even begin to know what should be done so any “guidance” from me would be based on incomplete and/or inaccurate information with much of it supposition and pure speculation. As hard as this is at times, it is something I work very hard to ensure that I do not interfere. That does not mean I can not be supportive and perhaps help mediate if I am asked to, but choices and direction are quite frankly non of my business to influence.
Now it seems I have digressed from what I want to say, but it is this conflict and its unfortunate outcome that concerns me. I often see the responsibility thrown out the window far more often than I see otherwise. Why is it that the person you once loved and cared for becomes this hated person or someone you simply discarded with zero consideration for their physical or mental well being? Why is it that for some there is not only collateral harm but calculated and intentional harm done at this time?
It is my belief that the Dominant that took on the responsibility of ownership in the beginning has a continued obligation to, as a minimum, help the submissive through a transition of being owned to one where she is not and is able to stand on her own. Those very things that drive her core needs, her submission itself, have just been yanked out from under her when she was let go! So yes, lasting damage has already been done to her emotionally but I to believe this can and must be minimized.
Please remember she did not just become worthless and a piece of trash to be disposed of, rather for various reasons it simply did not work out. You did not suddenly become different people, it is only that the dynamic between you has changed but the responsibility remains. If you cared once then you still do, even if it may be clouded with negative emotions. So be honourable and just admit that it is merely that for whatever reason(s) you are incompatible within a symbiotic and mutually fulfilling relationship and move on with the same dignity and integrity that the submissive saw in you at the beginning.
It is my strong belief that YOU have a continued obligation to her to do no further or ongoing harm by trying to tear her apart emotionally. I believe this extends well past the point at which you both separate.
It is perhaps during this phase where your true nature will reveal itself by how and you handle this. I can assure you that however you chose to handle things it will be observed by friends and those around, and will inevitably demonstrate to others the kind of person you actually are. Our actions really do speak for us much more than our words do.
So in closing I want to say that while ownership has it rewards, and they can be wondrous, it takes a lot of work and is not something anyone should do if they are unable to take on all of the responsibility and obligations to the submissive that goes with it.
