Being a Master

Let me start by reiterating that I am new to this lifestyle so I am sure there are those, and you may be one of them, that laughs when they read that my partner calls me “her Master”. Who the hell do I think I am? I've only been in this lifestyle for a little over 6 months so what makes we worthy of any title, and especially “Master”.


Well, for the record I certainly do not consider myself a master of BDSM or D/s. Sure, my ego would like to think that I have mastered the art of sex, but has anyone? But I will say that “learning” is where the real fun is – practice makes perfect afterall.

So what is in a name?

At the start of this journey, and our learning about this new lifestyle we did discuss what we would call each other in public, around others in the lifestyle. Initially we struggled with this, we had already met some people that took offence if they were not referred to properly at all times, and by everyone around them. Others did not wish to be called by anything other than their own name. Mostly we found that as long as you are genuine and mean well, if after that should someone take offense then that was their problem to deal with and not ours.


Being the dominant, and her protector I also told bambi that she was never to accept any discipline from anyone other than myself. I told her that if ever there was a time where someone did take offense to anything she said or did that she was to immediately direct them to me for a discussion regarding what transpired. So in a way I had hoped this was her “safety net” in the hopes that she did not get overwhelmed with worrying about doing anything wrong, that all she could do was to be herself and do her best.


In the beginning I simple asked bambi to refer to me as Sir, and that even that was necessary at our first encounter each day, or when around others in the lifestyle. I told her that she could call me anything she wanted to, but that I would prefer it not be “asshole” or other derogatory terms unless it was part of a scene or when venting to her friends and confidants, but that too was to be her choice.


As we started to settle into our own style of D/s we found that she struggled with knowing when, and when not to call me by Sir and even more so she found it hard not referring to me differently than others. So we discussed this and found decided that she could refer to me as Master or Sir depending on what she was comfortable with at that time. So she then started to always refer to me as Master and other male doms as Sir as a way to separate from them.


Shortly after we started this I was considering the meaning of the term “Master” and knew I certainly was no master of this lifestyle. I looked for what I felt was a more appropriate term for here to use. As we discussed my concerns we settled on her still calling me Master, but making a slight distinction by always using “my” with it and thus using the name “my Master”. In this way I felt this still conveyed my status to her, but also did not necessarily mean I was a true master of all this.


My partner wears a collar that says “Seth's Precious” on both a label as well as in floating text. Verbally I refer to her as “my dear”, “my love”, or “my precious” at home as well as in public. For me these names help capture and also convey her status and position within our own relationship.

How did I get here?

I have had an interest in BDSM over many years, we played around with light bondage throughout our relationship at times when it needs a little “spice”, but neither of us has ever been “in the lifestyle”. I am the one that has always pushed our boundaries but rarely has bambi been resistant to this so I do think we had a good foundation to start from.


To be honest it is only now that I am at a place where I felt ready to pursue something of this magnitude. This being the result of a lot of soul searching and a journey of self discovery over the past few years.


Was this perhaps part of my own mini mid-life crisis? I have no idea. But as I think about it, perhaps that may have been part of it. If so instead of a new convertible sports car ... I got a new lifestyle and a wife that now goes topless, or even naked, when commanded to. I think this is much better than a sports car.

What kind of person am I?

If you want my take on it, I am just me; a guy that can take charge when needed but knows how to compromise, one that simply wants to enjoy life and all it has to offer without all the turmoil that inevitably invades our lives. Most importantly I wish to do that with my partner, my wife, at my feet (used to be at my side).


If you want a clinical definition I am a confirmed ambivert with a type A personality.  Well at least that was the result of psychological testing I have had as a result of work.


Those that know me in RL have always said that although I am a “Jack of all trades” I am also a master of most. I am technically inclined and driven to learn and tend to do so best when jumping in and doing. I am able to quickly assess things and I do learn on the fly. I am however also not a very good puppet after having chewed though my strings at an early age. All of this has served me well throughout the years and I hope it continues to do so in the future as well in our journey into D/s.

So what is my role?

In some ways I do not see our relationship differently from what it always has been, bambi is my first priority as she always has. I care for and protect her. I try to help build up her confidence and self esteem. I try to be supportive and I try to take on all the worries


However some things are different, I am certainly much more in charge, and also much more aware of not only her actions but also of my own. It is still however very important to me that bambi retains her independence and freedoms and most importantly her right to chose and refuse.


The only real difference is that now there is a pre-negotiated surrender to me on her part of a number of the choices that she once made. There is also a greater awareness for us both of what my wishes and expectations are.

"This is a dictatorship, not a democracy."

From my perspective I guess if I had to describe it to someone that knows nothing about D/s, at least as we see it, that would be as follows ...


I see myself as the conductor of a symphony, directing and guiding us both in this dance, the tango. I am also the choreographer and teacher of the dance steps. I am the one that makes sure we practice and perfect this dance until it becomes second, almost first, nature to us both. I am also the one that makes sure my partner looks and feels her best so she can dance her best in this tango with me, on the stage that is life.