Learning

I have been asked a few times why I chose to go to group discussions and/or classes. This is usually within the scope of D/s and/or BDSM however it is not limited to only those subjects either.

Learning

I am one of those people that learns best on the fly and while doing. I typically do not learn as well within a class or structured environment and I know this about myself. Having said that however I also know that as part of my own learning process I tend to do my own due diligence to validate whatever information I am given while also filtering and applying my own past experiences to it.


I come from a very technical background coupled with a lot of practical experience across many different disciplines. My interests are widely varied and many people see me as “all over the place” at times. At the point I am now in my own life I certainly have my own opinions and biases however I am often relieved that these too remain flexible and continue to evolve as I do.


I have experienced enough throughout life to know that one's credentials can, at times, be less than an ideal way to judge their credibility. For me respect is not something automatically given, but rather is earned, I do however approach everyone with an open mind and form my own judgements as time goes on.


I certainly do not trust everything I am taught or told. I was once taught that our solar system had 9 planets and Pluto was one of them. This had to be correct because my teachers told me so and it was printed in all the materials I read. Now as I sit here and type this poor Pluto is no longer a planet and our solar system has only 8 planets, however I am not confident this will never change again. It is in fact a point which is argued by people with much more knowledge on the subject than I.


I use this as a good example of how things we may have been taught as “concrete” and established facts may indeed not be as concrete as we may be led to believe. Heck I was once told that sex was bad, if I believed that I would never be writing this in the first place. Instead I saw it as a challenge to seek to better understand what made it “bad”.


These changes in what we have been taught do not necessarily make the subjects or informational bits wrong and should not prevent us from learning. It does however mean that what we have learned and accepted as fact for ourselves needs to have some degree of flexibility to it. Things change as we, and/or others, learn more and this can at times have an impact on those things we have already learned.


I certainly see BDSM and D/s very much in this way. Not so much because I expect most of the things within it to change but rather I do expect my own understanding of these things to evolve as I dig deeper within and continue to expand my own knowledge of the practices. I can read all I want and it will never give me the same insight as hearing someone describe one of their own personal experiences, good or bad. I also know that these very people that are teaching and or sharing their experiences are also learning and therefore their own opinions are subject to change.


So I guess what I am saying is that for me at least it is important to get information from a number of different people and sources. The more commonality I see from these various bits of information the more comfortable I am “trusting” them to be valid. This also helps to establish the context for any of the informational bits which for me is perhaps more important that the actual information itself.


My major focus when I learn anything new is to concentrate on what is bad, or less than ideal. When I learn a new tool I want to know what it does not do because these will be the things that I have to find other solutions or work-rounds for. Learning what it does do is then much easier. I use this same approach with everything I get tackle and my learning of BDSM and D/s has been no different.

Credentials

I have mentioned that credentials do not automatically indicate credibility. I am much more likely to accept information from someone I can see is practising what he/she is teaching and indeed “living it” rather than someone that says he/she has 100 years experience but shows no signs of actually “living it”. To be honest I am more likely to trust someone that does not start off by telling me their credentials no matter how valid they may be.


I have experienced far too many people, in many different disciplines, that in fact had very impressive credentials but were incapable of teaching, and in some cases they actually showed no apparent signs of even knowing the subject material at all. I have also seen the opposite and found people with no “accepted” credentials in a discipline but yet they could indeed teach and demonstrate to others a very solid grasp on the subject(s).

Summary

So in closing I just wanted to say that it is important to obtain information from as many different sources as you can. Discussion groups and/or classes can be valuable sources of information. Look for the consistent message contained within and there you will find the real information that you can add to your knowledge-base.


Of course please use some common sense and know your own limits, do not try brain surgery just because you read the “Surgery for Dummies” book.